unexpected ...

my moments have become full of bad news or dizziness,
and i'm filled with madness;
and hope is fading or running away from me?!

damn it!

nothing is worse than living in despair.
wish i could smash things, or cry out my anger louder than them...

"hang in there, hang in there!", i keep telling me.
either stop contracting for ever or do it right. you hear me?!
----------------------
relevant or not, through paradox, i went to this page. it's interesting that Baha'i has 7 m but Zoroasterianism has 2.6 m believers (both religions emerged in iran, although Zoroasterianism is way more ancient). actually a few months ago, i heard from a friend that her co-worker, being Quebecois, is converting to Baha'i as his wife (a Quebecoise) was believing in it since i-dunno-when. and they were planning on going on a sort of religious mission to Bosnia in summer. i was like: !!!???
then this made me read more on it in internet... seems the Bahai's are actively spreading their belief round the globe !
although its founder used to be a muslem, i still doubt Baha'i has really emerged from islam!!??
any thought?
PS: you can read about it in wiki.

back...

some can break your heart;
some doc.s, though, can burn it,
but with your consent.
.....
i feel ok now... but i was so used to hearing the load and high beat rates
that now i feel something is missing in my life :D
.....
i'm ready to hug it back and hold it to my bosom,
but i need it to be really back.
i still have weird feelings round my chest, though!

will i come to...?

will i?
----
i have the most hectic days of my life plus a lot of stress...
but they will all pass... like all good things that come and last short.
short?!
i hope so.
short or long, it will feel like ages when it's not pleasant.
.......
and today, some strange people said and did some strange things to me at wrong times!
what's wrong with them?
why to me?!


BTW, i'm in my new apt now. strangely enough, though, i feel so in place and at home, feels like i have lived here for years before!!