views gone by!

it's the new year and i also switched to new blogger (non-beta version)... YAY!

last night, i wanted to get drunk so much so that i wouldn't feel the moment the year turns... but my friends kept discouraging and teasing me, and kinda managed to keep the table of booze bottles away from me!! :(... sneaky devils! ;)

it's ok... i just feel ashamed of another year coming when i feel i should have made at least a couple of major progresses in my life by now! i was quite aware of not running myself into troubles of having a hang-over the next day, though!

instead, i woke up quite sober and smiling today... and started working on some java little projects for fun, although i had to walk a long distance in freezing rain that was pouring relentlessly like hell and finally made me get a cab(and the cabby kept whining all the way that the terrible weather ruined their business!) and got home round 3:00 AM soaking wet with a sinus headache!... it's ok... c'est la vie!

since i'm obsessed with any windows in all buildings, and particularly with all the windows of my rooms/apartments i have had so far, you can find the views of four different months/weathers all shot in 2006 from the window of my current tiny apt. alright, i will try to remind myself of thinking and planning for future more than thinking about the past... i feel my instinct needs to grow, but i shouldn't let it grow out of all restrictions that are constricting me like a constrictor, yet it can't be taken for granted.

i guess i need to have a new flickr account, if it's possible, or...!?, because yesterday after posting some recent shots, i exceeded the number of free uploads...
i'll figure a way, hopefully.

oh, yesterday morning i went out for a short walk in a park nearby, and this little chubby squirrel was biting a piece of cracker, and didn't pay attention to anything else! so cute :)

off and on!

i was on the bus the other day standing in the aisle and noticed this written on the back of a seat:
"don't be afraid of death,
but rather the life unlived."
there was this guy sitting there with a friend as well, he also noticed this little qoute of i-don't -know-who and showed it to the woman; she, who wasn't a native English speaker, wrote it down on a little scrap paper.

as this "...life unlived!" was kinda echoing into my ears with my own voice, i was thinking... which part of my life have i unlived? and which part and when did i really live? i ended up feeling that i have taken it off and on! how do i feel about this now? don't know...!

then i thought: well, do I really know what it means? have we really thought how much a simple thing can get different interpretations by different people and can mean differently to any individual?
i was also thinking how these diverse takes can lead to anomalies and clashes! not to mention that the same diversity in understanding and interpretation, regardless of all its reasons and origins, can potentially lead to many different ideas, theroies, creativities, and even become the emergence of ideologies and the source of inventions!!!

aaahh, we are complex creatures... so much so that we can't figure it out ourselves!
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21st of Dec. was the winter solstice ... i wanted to post something here, but didn't feel like it... (sorry i'm not a dedicated blogger; just off and on, can't be better!)

anyhow, as of 22nd of Dec. the position of the earth with respect to the sun will change and the days start to get longer and longer.
it was a very important eve in the ancient era in Iran and perhaps in other old civilizations.
they celebrated it as the "Eve of the Sun" or the "Festive of the Sun" in Iran. they kinda believed that sun is born/reborn at this time. that's why it was called "Yalda Eve", Yalda is a Persian word with Arabic roots, which means "birth/rebirth". the Iranian calendar at the time had 7 months only, and the 22nd of Dec. was the first day of the year.
it is also said that later they celebrated it for 40 days, since they believed on the 40th day the sun would shine better and brightier, and the dark days of the winter are gone...

some other historians believe that since Christians didn't know the exact birthday of the Jesus, they took this great eve as the time Jesus was born, and celebrated it as such.
years passed, "Yalda Eve" still remained as an important day in Iran, but the Iranian calendar got 5 more months added to it gradually. and interestingly enough, they now believed that on the 40th day after 22 of Dec. a savior will be reborn to bring peace and justice into earth. seems they got this back from the christians then!

many years passed until the Iranians changed the new year's eve to 21st of March, although the Yalda Eve is still celebrated as the longest evening/night of the year!

HAPPY YALDA/ THE EVE OF THE SUN TO EVERYONE!

omni-unison*

call it the "whole-ness", call it whatever...
if you use the energy excessively, make sure, somewhere in the world, the winter will turn to hell, and the spring will finish before it just starts.
if you follow, spread, or even shrug shoulders for materialism, consumerism and rampant capitalism, make sure there are numerous huge factrories running 24/7 all around the world that spit their waste materials/chemicals/poisons out into the rivers, seas, oceans, air...

if you start a war just in order to keep your multi-million $ business of weapons production running, you will get kicked by the same guns... in a way or another.

call it "karma" , call it "the energy that circulates in the world"... call it whatever.
if you do a bad deed, its aftermath wil be back to you, sooner or later.
nothing there is to get away with.
we are all one.
call it "the truth", call it "God", call it whatever...

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction – Newton’s Third Law of Motion
but we fail to notice.

we are the succession of the previous generations, and the next generations will base their world on our trails, ...
the human history started at a point, we weren't invloved in its emergence (weren't we really!?), and will end at a point, but aren't we strongly involved in the ending process?!

it's how to end it that counts!

*: omni-unison is just a coinage!
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i'm supposed to be reading now for the final exam ... but ...well, i'm done with my project and i made its last phase the way i wanted to, after 3-4 days of nonstop hard work! i'm giving myself a bit of break now :)

and BTW, my confessions are continuing.

the mirror

just woke up
from a long dream;
how late!

too late.

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i do appreciate it if you read these confessions and leave your comments or personal experiences.
thanks

BTW, just saw Babel a few days ago, i liked it. a nice well-structured movie that depicts life events, poverty, ignorance, destiny, life-styles, narrow-mindedness, undeniable human needs and above all despair so well, as well as all these common feelings, emotions, problems, selfishnesses, cruelties,... that we all share regardless of our race, religion, sex, color, language,... but we still fail to notice.
and Babel, what a meaningful title !

abyss

a glass of cold water
will wash down the rage,
this heat.
it's raining here now.

have the rain drops washed away
the roads to be taken?

nothing is clear, except imaginations
and loose assumptions.
and isn't everything based on them!?

i saw myself flying,
but downward.
and the wake-up moment never struck!

yet they keep murmuring:
"ignorance is bliss!"

out of fog...

the last drops of my patience are evaporating.
and i don't think anything will be left after!

you might take it as a metaphore... but i have never felt this way in my entire life.
-------
right when you are full of hatred and run out of patience
there is this shallow woman
this woman of "manipulative logic" and very little emotion
who comes to you to ask you for help and favor... boldly, cheekily!
and then she wins the competetion, with your very help.
she calls you immediately and leaves a loud message with her dumb happy voice bragging:
"i got it!"

what a wonderful world!
who to blame?
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After-thought:
i am thinking of stripping ... throwing out all my thoughts and things that bother me...
even including personal stuff...
needs a humongous gut, i know!
i have created a blog for now...
what do you guys think?
how much are you ready to strip while commenting?

I'm Bleeding Me ...

i'm digging my way
...to something better...
metallica, "bleeding me", album "load".

i'm being told the naked truth
that i neglected for years
...
who do i blame?
i'm so clueless.
though, of no use any more...
not any more.

he never knew she also said the same things to me;
but it was his words that pierced into my soul,
the core of my entire being!

there are things you'd like to tell them openly
but you find it out of place.
there are always things i'd like to scream about here
but i can't;
not even here!

where then?

this lump is growing
like cancer!
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i know i sound very down... but i need to be me... at least here.
i can't throw out weird questions or raise discussions like before...
not as long as this damn-ness sticks to my sticky stuffy life!
i'm sorry! that's why i don't write much! i'd rather listen... although i cannot turn the clock back.